


Hope Fucks Eternal

by Accal1a



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Exhaustion, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hopeful Ending, Introspection, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:40:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27746113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accal1a/pseuds/Accal1a
Summary: Eliot is tired, so tired.
Relationships: Charlton/Eliot Waugh, Mike McCormick/Eliot Waugh, Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh, Rupert Chatwin/Eliot Waugh
Kudos: 8





	Hope Fucks Eternal

Why was it always him? Why did a crush, a love, a hope, always end in death? Why couldn't he, just once, be allowed some fucking peace? Why couldn’t he love, and be loved in return without the Grim Reaper breathing down his neck?

He was tired.

_So fucking tired._

All he wanted was for this feeling to end. For the world to stop needing rescuing for one fucking minute so he could catch his breath and maybe rest easy for the first time in…God how long had it been? How long had it been since he'd had a good night's sleep? Months certainly, probably even years. If he hadn't been drinking, he wasn't sure he'd ever rest…which really wasn't a good look, for anyone.

He just wanted it over and done with so he could sleep, without fear, without regret, without nightmares. He just wanted it _done_.

Mike.

Quentin.

Seb.

Their faces swam before his eyes every night before he went to a fitful sleep. He saw their smiles, their laughter, he felt his own joy echo with theirs, and the hope of being with them for a long time to come…and then he saw their deaths, and he wondered if he should follow them into that darkness. If it would finally let him rest.

It would be just his luck that the afterlife would need him for something, and he wouldn't get his rest there either…and there he probably wouldn't even have a choice of whether he would, or could, help, there he would probably be pressganged into service without so much as a question.

No. He had to stay.

For better for worse.

Fucked as it was.

It was all he had left, his dignity, his hope, that at some point in the future it would all have been worth it. He had to hope that all of this had been for a reason and not just a giant fuck you from the universe. He had to hope that his suffering had a _point_ to it, otherwise he would just lie down in the grass outside the Physical Kids cottage and wait for nature to take him back into its sweet embrace.

Then there was Charlton. Charlton who knew all of his innermost thoughts because he had lived them. Charlton who saw his broken soul and still wanted to be a part of his life. Charlton who was no longer in his head and was instead in a willing body in front of him. Charlton who was looking at him as if he meant something, as if he mattered, as if life could _be_ something other than this unending blackness and sorrow.

Charlton, who was asking the question.

Charlton, who was putting himself out there and asking Eliot to do the same.

Charlton, who was perhaps giving him a reason to hope, a future, instead of the horror of the past.

_Charlton._

He stepped toward the stairs with the other man, and to his future. The relationship could crash and burn in seconds, or it could be something that would last for a while, perhaps even forever. And who cared that he didn't think he deserved it? If the universe was offering him this, he owed it to himself – and to all the people who had come before, to all the people who had died – to _live_.

Eliot Waugh was not going to take this lying down. He had decades of his life left to live, and he was going to fucking live it.

One day at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> Fancy joining a multi-fandom Discord server where you can ~~squee with~~ chat with like minded people? Have I got the place for you!
> 
> Come and join **The Fandom Playhouse**. You don't have to be mad to [join](https://discord.gg/82pvdE39fD), but it does help...


End file.
